2 Years in Costa Rica

November 22, 2024

Today is my beautiful daughter Brooklyn’s birthday. As I write this article, her inspiration will also be present. Here is a reflection of our time here so far.

2 years ago, on November 20th, 2022, Brooklyn and I moved from Austin, TX to the tip of the Nicoya Peninsula of Costa Rica with 8 suitcases, 2 dogs and 2 cats. This international move was driven by the urgency of my son Spencer’s need for safety as he struggled with addiction. We needed to be somewhere far away from the fentanyl epidemic happening in the United States. Unfortunately we couldn’t move fast enough to save him and he died of fentanyl poisoning September 15, 2022. We were scheduled to move with Spencer on October 11, 2022. Brooklyn and I decided to move anyway a month and a half later.

I was ambivalent about moving. I struggled to face seeing the people we met in Costa Rica in June without Spencer and having to explain what happened. I also struggled to leave what was familiar especially with so much grief. I did know deep down that we needed the change, that the move wasn’t just about Spencer. Since 2017, as we watched the United States change in ways that felt uncomfortable to us, we have been in discussions about moving abroad. Brooklyn’s frequent statements that Austin “doesn’t feel like home” as her own journey became more and more difficult and complex was also a motivating factor. I give her a lot of credit for helping me follow through with this move.

At the end of April, 1 month before we left for our scouting trip to Costa Rica (June 2022), we discover that Brooklyn has a neuro-immune condition called PANDAS. She had been struggling with extremely high anxiety and panic that kept her from attending school and going anywhere outside of home. Her intense symptoms fell outside the scope of therapy and an intensive outpatient program. I felt strongly that something else was going on with her so we had some medical testing done, revealing a PANDAS diagnosis. The easiest way to describe the complicated condition of PANDAS is that it’s a medical condition that produces major psychiatric symptoms like high anxiety, panic, mania, tics, and OCD. Treatment is complicated and the same treatment doesn’t work for each person. We began her treatment with antibiotics that she started in Costa Rica on the scouting trip with Spencer. They made her sick and she vomited daily so we stopped. Her next course of treatment was homeopathy which was longer term but it eventually worked to relieve her symptoms and inflammation.

Along with her long-term homeopathy treatment, Brooklyn also changed her eating habits completely upon moving. Prior to the move, she would not eat any vegetables and only a few fruits. Now she eats 50 percent vegetarian and we do more cooking at home. Another factor that supported this change is that we live in a remote area of Costa Rica with no Starbucks, fast food, and very few options for delivery. Having less access to “quick” meals helped both of us improve our eating habits.

Living in Costa Rica where we are is completely different than our old life in Austin. We endure water and power outages weekly and sometimes daily. What usually takes us 1 hour in the States takes us 3 hours here. There is no “rush” culture or sense of urgency. This can be very frustrating if you are a “do-er” like me. We had to learn how to plan less and go with the flow more - or else. Costa Rica is notorious for consuming and then spitting out those who don’t or can’t adapt to her ways. Culture shock is real, and we both endured the 5 stages of grief during our first 8 months of living here. We cried, screamed, argued, vented, threw fits and collapsed in our grief and frustration together as we questioned whether this move was right for us. And then suddenly, the intensity stopped for both of us at the same time. It was like one day we woke up and felt - better, lighter, more settled, and at peace with life here. In July 2023 we moved out of our (mold infested) rental and into a funky, artsy home in the hills that we fell in love with right away. It was a home that reminded us so much of Spencer and his unique, fun-loving spirit. We recently painted one of our doors blue and call it Spencer’s Door, which is a communication to him that this is his home, too.

We are at the end of a remodeling period where we didn’t add any square footage but simply upgraded what was already here. We gutted both of our bathrooms, added furniture, new countertops and a gas stove, painted, and made many necessary repairs. We added an electric gate and completely fenced in the 2.5 acres so our dogs could roam the yard safely. We were fortunate to have hired excellent contractors and we are now living comfortably here in our little slice of heaven. I have a beautiful pool, fruit and flowering trees, but no air conditioning in the main house and no dishwasher.

Brooklyn and I both take weekly Spanish lessons. We are determined to learn the language, although at 51 years old the learning for me is slow. Spanish comes more naturally for Brooklyn with her young mind and gifts in foreign language studies. Sandy is our Spanish teacher from Venezuela and is one of our favorite people we’ve met here. We look forward to our lessons with her each week and the always interesting conversations of existentialism, the paranormal, politics and psychology.

When I think of what we’ve learned most by living here, frustration tolerance is at the top of the list. I truly had no idea how easy we have it in the States. People believe in fixing things here verses replacing them, which can be annoying sometimes because this takes longer. Sometimes replacing something is what needs to happen, but not without trying to fix the item first. I think States culture makes us lazy, and through no fault of our own…it’s just how we have been conditioned to live. So many things are done “for” us. I see it as a case of having too much access to whatever you want, and not having to do much physical labor at all. Living here, I meet my standing, moving and exercise goal usually by lunchtime or midday just by doing household chores and walking the dogs.

Some final thoughts as I wrap this up. It is a challenge to maintain a consistent routine here. Costa Rica demands that we must live in the moment, as “something” frequently happens to disrupt the plans for the day that is impossible to ignore. This can understandably be very frustrating and not a desirable way to live for some. This may not be a feature of the other areas of Costa Rica, but where we live, at the tip of the Nicoya Peninsula, this is true. We also endure terrible dirt roads which some find to be charming, and others find it frustrating.

What do I love most about living here? The loud sounds of birds and monkeys in my yard, living near beaches and rivers, the bright colors, the feelings of no competition, the distance from politics, the nearly constant sense of connection to Spencer in all the natural beauty, my bedroom, watching our pets enjoy life, healing with Brooklyn, and the sense of possibility and adventure that is always present.

I give heartfelt thanks to both Brooklyn and Spencer for leading us here. It has yielded so much positive for us, despite the hardships. The setting is like paradise, which connects me to my dearest beloved boy in his heavenly paradise.